Week 22

WARNING: This post containes absolutely nothing funny. Sorry.

I am feeling really discouraged. I feel like I am failing everyone...myself, my family, my friends, my trainer...everyone. I've worked hard in my strength training, but I feel like I haven't changed at all. I have some areas that definitely need improvement, but I just can't quite take that next step. My motivation is rock-bottom. I am trying to think of steps I can take to get myself going again. I am about to buy another round of sessions with Jeremy, and I think I will increase the number of sessions per week for a bit. This will get me back in the habit of going again. I also am thinking of another drastic step that I just don't wish to disclose yet.

You know, this is the reason I did this blog, to put myself out there for scrutiny and accountability. Man does it work. Sometimes the only reason I go workout is because I know I have to write in this darn thing! That's the truth! If it weren't for this "public record" I would have given up a long time ago.

I hate being vulnerable...

Weeks 20 and 21

I am having to put these two weeks together because basically I ain't done jack! The only times I went to the fitness center were my sessions with Jeremy. I have not been good about going on my own, and I have no excuses either. I'm just discouraged. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. He is doing a great job and I am working hard when I'm with him. I'm just not doing what I need to do to see results, and I am having a devil of a time motivating myself.

In my graduate program, Dr. Kennedy (my major professor) used a technique of social pressure to motivate us. We had to address our progress on our dissertation to our entire research team. This worked really well. I know I didn't want to go to a team meeting and say, "I ain't done jack!" So I would do something, maybe something little but it was something. All of those somethings little added up to a completed dissertation and a Ph.D. Maybe by confessing in this blog, I am using the same technique. I hope this works.

Oh, and I'm 38...'nuff said.

Week 19

One thing 've never mentioned in my blog is the fact that I have an endocrine disorder known as Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). Other names are Syndrome O and Stein-Leventhal Syndrome. It is a complicated endocrine disorder that is responsible for everything from excessive body hair (I DON'T have that) to obesity (I DO have that). Basically, what this does is causes my body to metabolize glucose ineffectively and stores it as fat, mainly around the middle. As my endocrinologist told me, "In a famine, you would outlast all of your svelte counterparts" (that's you pixie-elf women, by the way) to which I responded, "Yes, and then I would eat them, one by one."

ANYWAY, that is one of the biggest obstacles I have to overcome. I know beyond a doubt that if I made some changes in my diet in addition to working out that I would see more dramatic results. Knowing and doing are two different things. "Oh, no, I don't want the baked potato. Give me something green and leafy and tastes like dirt" are not words you will hear coming out of my mouth, at least not anytime soon.