Wow! I have Forgotten A LOT!!!

Given that I am posting on this blog again, I thought I would go back and read some of the earlier posts. Wow!  I had forgotten a lot!

• I honestly don't know how I looked then, but I honestly can tell you I am nowhere near a D-Cup NOW!  (They may have migrated under my arm pits, but I'm not sure.)
• I had forgotten all of the stuff the crazy meth man did to our back yard.
• I had forgotten that I did the UAMS Weight Loss Center thing one time.
• I had forgotten that I used to dread working out!

I love that last one!  I used to dread working out!  I don't any more!  I love going to Taekwondo.  I love sweating and panting.  I love trying to stretch these legs to make my kicks higher and stronger.  I love working on my form so I can focus on what my body is doing and how it is supposed to look.  I love my weapons forms -- well, most of them.  I still say that when I do my single sahng jeol bahng (nun chuk) form that I look like a monkey flinging dung.  I love punching on the bags and padded targets.  I love combat weapons sparring.  I love breaking boards!  I love walking out of Taekwondo with my hair either plastered to my head from the sparring helmet or frizzy because I have sweated so much I look like  a Chia Pet!

Not only that, I love working out at home.  It may not LOOK like working out, but it is.  I love doing hard work outside.  (i don't like working inside; one glance would tell you that.)  I love hiking.  I love swimming.  I WILL love kayaking.  (Jadyn and I got kayaks for Christmas and cannot wait to use them.)  I like all sorts of outdoor stuff!

I love that I went zip-lining with Dave and Jadyn in Alaska. I had to get over a hurdle -- fearing I was "too big" and didn't want to embarrass myself or my family -- but I did get over that hurdle.  I wasn't "too big" at all!  I had a marvelous time!  AND, I gave Jadyn a hilarious memory by butt planting a tree 250 feet in the air!  (Long story...)

I love that I had to get rid of all of my old clothes because they were too big.

Because I'm old and I can't see far away OR up close, and because I don't wear my reading glasses while picking out clothes, I realized I was wearing a pair of jeans that were a size smaller than I normally wear.

I still like wearing my bigger jeans because they are comfy and because they really are baggy.  It looks like the Brady Bunch moved out of my butt!

Speaking of my butt (how many of you ever have said that? "Speaking of my butt"...)  Anyway, I am proud to report that I still don't have hail damage anywhere!  

Am I sounding arrogant, YOU BET!!! Am I really arrogant?  No.  I am grateful.  I am looking back almost 10 years ago and I am reading the comments of a younger me who did not like herself at all.  Now?  Sure there are things I would change about my body.  For example, I would like to go back in time and slap my ancestor who mated with a pelican.  But overall I am HAPPY!  I can tell I'm a much happier person that the 36 or 37 year old who began writing that blog.  

Yes, i still use self-effacing humor.  I always have and I always will.  But man!  I was BRUTAL on myself!  Now, I accept myself as I am.  My definition of compassion is to hear pain without judgment or blame.  I was not compassionate toward myself much, and not just about my body.  I am so grateful that I have learned to extend a bit of grace to myself.  Not that I'm copping out or giving myself excuses!  Quite the contrary.  Because I have learned to love who I am right here and right now most of the time, I am building upon the foundation of acceptance.  I still strive to improve, not because I need to improve to be accepted; rather, I strive to improve because I LIKE who I am and want to take care of me.

Wow...glad I had forgotten a lot of that, but even more glad to see just how far I have come.  God's grace truly is amazing.  Just as I am...that's how God accepts me.  That's how I accept myself.

Of course, turning 40 did bust all up my give a hoot...