Week 17D

Just when I'm feeling great, something happens to knock the wind out of my sails. Talk about a shot of humility! My son and I had a "Mommy-Jady Day." I took him to see "The Adventures of Shark Boy and Lava Girl." Wow. I didn't know until we arrived that part of the film was in 3D. When I bought our tickes, they gave Jadyn blue Shark Boy glasses and me pink Lava Girl glasses. Now, I've never done LSD but I bet 3D glasses with bifocals is just as wild. Jadyn was really funny. He kept jumping back in his chair and saying, "Mommy! I didn't know it could look so real!"

After the movie, I put the glasses around my neck like a good Mommy, and we went to the arcade in the theatre. It was raining outside, so there was no reason to rush out. We fished, shot dinosaurs, and rode motorcycles. As we were walking across the room, a cute little round woman winked at me and said, "It's a grandmother's paradise, isn't it?" Grandmother! GRANDMOTHER! I wanted to smack her in the head with my little pink glasses and say, "I'm his MOTHER! So I started late! Maybe I can get my social security when he gets his scholarship! Big Hairy Deal!" Instead, I smiled and said, "It is fun."

All this work. All those supplements. All that imaginary climbing on that stair stepper. Even with my tie-dyed Joe's Crab Shack t-shirt, Reef flip flops, and chicken-butt haircut...grandmother!!! Why do I even bother?

Wait. I know what this is. It's pay-back from my last post. Somewhere, a gang of pierced, tattooed, hip-hugger hippopotami worked themselves up into a kaballahesque frenzy and waved negative energy at my picture on a screen. Well, put down your floppy arms and hush all that yelling because it ain't gonna work! I feel much better now because I called Cindy and cursed her and all the other young beautiful grandmothers that are out there. No, I didn't cuss, I cursed. You know, the "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your arm pits" kind of curse. I know I felt better. (You just scratched your arm pit, didn't you?)

By the way, my Lava Girl glasses are hanging from my rear-view mirror.