Week 13D

Have you ever had a wild hair up your hiney? I got one and bought one of those lateral thigh strider contraptions. It's a small torture device known as home exercise equipment. It's like walking on a swinging staircase. When I first get on it, I feel like a drunk sailor on roller skates in a hurricane on that thing. Then, I get the hang of it, and I feel like one of those table dancers from "Laugh In." You know, Goldie Hawn's first gig. I keep waiting for Dave or Jadyn to come to the garage and paint words or symbols on my legs.

You know, that's an idea. I could rent advertisement space on my legs, like that guy who sold his forehead space on eBay. Wonder who would buy it? I'm sure an attorney or insurance agent would buy some because they advertise everywhere. Collision insurance sold on me left bum cheek and a personal injury attorney on me right bum cheek. A car dealership or two on one thigh and a wrecker service on the other. Of course, food would have to be on there somewhere...Fast food on the left calf and a buffet with tour bus parking available on my right. The latest movies playing on both knee caps, and there ya go. A walking...er, wobbling billboard.

Anyway! As much as I complain about that machine, I really like it. I pop in a load of laundry and hop on contraption. In less than five minutes, I've done 500 reps. I can tell a difference, too. Even though I don't use it for cardio, I do get a good burst. The only problem is getting off the thing. I'm still wobbling! I walk through the house trying to get my land-lubber legs back, and Dave says, "Been using your thigh thing?" On the outside I'm smiling while answering his question and telling him how glad I am that he noticed and how supportive he is and how much that means to me...GUSH GUSH GUSH! But, on the inside I'm saying, "Bite me!" Do you believe that?! You shouldn't! I never gush. I come straight back with a "Bite me!" on the outside where everyone can hear it!

No weigh-in this week but for a very good reason, not the passive-aggressive ones I usually use. Couldn't weigh-in on Tuesday or Thursday because of Jadyn's T-ball game. Couldn't weigh-in on Wednesday because I had to get back early to prepare for the Awana closing program. I'll have a report next week.