Week 15D

We meet Jesus in the strangest of places. My son seems to be convinced that Jesus lives in public restrooms. Oh, he knows the Holy Spirit lives in every believer and that "God is everywhere," but Jesus is in public restrooms because that's where we go to meet Him when necessary. On the eve of having to weigh in, I am convinced that Jesus lives at the Weight Loss Clinic at UAMS because I think I'm going to have a "come to Jesus" meeting with myself afterward!

I have slipped the past couple of weeks and not just on empty Flavor-Ice wrappers. I haven't blown it totally, but I feel as if I have been less disciplined. Perhaps it's time for an inventory of the good, the bad, and the ugly.

THE GOOD: I haven't eaten fast food in forever. The thought of French Fries or anything fried turns my stomach. We haven't bought a loaf of bread in months. Every now and then, I will eat my hamburger patty with a bun, but that's not often. I can't remember the last time I ate a candy bar or potato chips. If I snack at home in the evening, it's on frozen juice treats of various sorts, pickles, or Grape Nuts. I still love asparagus and put some kind of green veggie or combination of green veggies in every meal I eat. My exercise has increased a bit, and I am awaiting delivery of a mini stair-stepper that will help with cardio quick and easy at home. I drink supplements for breakfast and lunch when I am at work, and usually for breakfast on the weekends.

THE BAD: I'm not exercising with the regularity that I need. I have eaten pizza more than I should have. I have sneaked a few of Jadyn's cookies. I had been missing peanut butter, so I started putting a tablespoon on a wheat bagel for a snack at work. I haven't used the supplements with regularity on the weekends. I have eaten a couple of baked potatoes and dessert at one dinner I attended. I've eaten enough Flavor-Ice for a kindergarten.

THE UGLY: My body image, although it is getting much better. My feelings of dread going to see the scale nazi at UAMS and having to get labs drawn and see one of the medical people. My irrational fear that I have failed them in some way. Yes! I KNOW this is irrational, and yes I have good boundaries. I just recognize my own stuff and feeling responsible for everyone and everything is part of it! On the flip side of this coin is my irritation/frustration when and if they tell me I need to do better. This is where my oppositionality kicks in, and I have to override my initial desire and to remind myself what MY goals are, not their's, and do what I know I need to do, even if it is in agreement with them. (Sometimes I hate being a shrink!)

THE RESULT: Ok. I weighed in . It was a new scale nazi and the end of the day, so we did not have much conversation. I'm holding AND I am retaining water like a herd of camels ready for a holy war because of my monthly reminder that I am indeed a woman. All in all, I'm just a little less than satisfied.