Wow! I have Forgotten A LOT!!!

Given that I am posting on this blog again, I thought I would go back and read some of the earlier posts. Wow!  I had forgotten a lot!

• I honestly don't know how I looked then, but I honestly can tell you I am nowhere near a D-Cup NOW!  (They may have migrated under my arm pits, but I'm not sure.)
• I had forgotten all of the stuff the crazy meth man did to our back yard.
• I had forgotten that I did the UAMS Weight Loss Center thing one time.
• I had forgotten that I used to dread working out!

I love that last one!  I used to dread working out!  I don't any more!  I love going to Taekwondo.  I love sweating and panting.  I love trying to stretch these legs to make my kicks higher and stronger.  I love working on my form so I can focus on what my body is doing and how it is supposed to look.  I love my weapons forms -- well, most of them.  I still say that when I do my single sahng jeol bahng (nun chuk) form that I look like a monkey flinging dung.  I love punching on the bags and padded targets.  I love combat weapons sparring.  I love breaking boards!  I love walking out of Taekwondo with my hair either plastered to my head from the sparring helmet or frizzy because I have sweated so much I look like  a Chia Pet!

Not only that, I love working out at home.  It may not LOOK like working out, but it is.  I love doing hard work outside.  (i don't like working inside; one glance would tell you that.)  I love hiking.  I love swimming.  I WILL love kayaking.  (Jadyn and I got kayaks for Christmas and cannot wait to use them.)  I like all sorts of outdoor stuff!

I love that I went zip-lining with Dave and Jadyn in Alaska. I had to get over a hurdle -- fearing I was "too big" and didn't want to embarrass myself or my family -- but I did get over that hurdle.  I wasn't "too big" at all!  I had a marvelous time!  AND, I gave Jadyn a hilarious memory by butt planting a tree 250 feet in the air!  (Long story...)

I love that I had to get rid of all of my old clothes because they were too big.

Because I'm old and I can't see far away OR up close, and because I don't wear my reading glasses while picking out clothes, I realized I was wearing a pair of jeans that were a size smaller than I normally wear.

I still like wearing my bigger jeans because they are comfy and because they really are baggy.  It looks like the Brady Bunch moved out of my butt!

Speaking of my butt (how many of you ever have said that? "Speaking of my butt"...)  Anyway, I am proud to report that I still don't have hail damage anywhere!  

Am I sounding arrogant, YOU BET!!! Am I really arrogant?  No.  I am grateful.  I am looking back almost 10 years ago and I am reading the comments of a younger me who did not like herself at all.  Now?  Sure there are things I would change about my body.  For example, I would like to go back in time and slap my ancestor who mated with a pelican.  But overall I am HAPPY!  I can tell I'm a much happier person that the 36 or 37 year old who began writing that blog.  

Yes, i still use self-effacing humor.  I always have and I always will.  But man!  I was BRUTAL on myself!  Now, I accept myself as I am.  My definition of compassion is to hear pain without judgment or blame.  I was not compassionate toward myself much, and not just about my body.  I am so grateful that I have learned to extend a bit of grace to myself.  Not that I'm copping out or giving myself excuses!  Quite the contrary.  Because I have learned to love who I am right here and right now most of the time, I am building upon the foundation of acceptance.  I still strive to improve, not because I need to improve to be accepted; rather, I strive to improve because I LIKE who I am and want to take care of me.

Wow...glad I had forgotten a lot of that, but even more glad to see just how far I have come.  God's grace truly is amazing.  Just as I am...that's how God accepts me.  That's how I accept myself.

Of course, turning 40 did bust all up my give a hoot...

Looks Like I'm Back to This Blog!

As mentioned in the last post, I keep coming back to this blog, probably because it is so apropos!  (Ain't that sad...)  I'm closer to starting to think about trying to run/lumber.  Rumber.  That's what I'll call it.  I'm wearing the purple Nike running shoes I bought myself for Christmas.  I keep hoping my feet will bask in the mojo of the purple NIke shoe and convince my body that it's already run at least a half marathon.  Alas, no pedosmosis.

Also as stated before, it is great to be in Taekwondo.  I accomplished a goal.  I actually kicked someone in the head!  Seriously!  Does it matter that it was a 4 foot tall 8 year old?  NOT TO ME!!!  Seriously, I actually have kicked someone in the head.  It was about a year and a half ago.  Jadyn was sparring this bigger kid who was lower ranked, so like a good high rank, he was sparring at the other kid's level.  Still, Jadyn was scoring points on him, and the bigger kid got mad and started bull-rushing Jadyn into the wall rather than sparring.  After the third time, my cub's head was hurting, and this momma bear was not happy!  The instructor said, "Break" and then switched up sparring partners.  He put me with the bully.  The kid was taller than I am, but when we bowed and shook hand, his eyes were as big as platters.  Good.  It's wise to respect and even fear a mother bear whose cub you just flung repeatedly against a tree!  However, I practiced my best self-control as we sparred.  A Klingon proverb kept running through my mind:  Vengeance is a dish best served cold.  The more I sparred, the less I needed vengeance.  My cub was feeling better and was doing well against another sparring partner who actually SPARRED him instead of acting like a battering ram.  So, I had fun.  The more self-control I had, the more scared he became.  I thought that white uniform was going to turn all shades of golden brown at any moment.  But I kept sparring, even giving him some pointers on how to block effectively.  "Yes ma'am," he would say, shakily I might add.  I told him over and over to keep his guard hand up.  I pointed out how and where he was leaving himself vulnerable.  I tried; I REALLY tried.  Then, in a move I don't think I ever have connected on again, I caught him right upside the head with an outer crescent kick!  As I helped him up off the mat, I said, "Told you to keep your guard hand up."  "BREAK!"  Sweet...

While I am glad about Taekwondo, I need to Rumber.  I've been wearing the shoes.  I've mentioned it to people.  Apparently I don't feel the need to be accountable, so I can guess I can write it on this blog and publish for the whole world to read if they so choose.  Then, if anyone asks if I've started to "rumber", I'll just look at them like they've sprouted a unicorn horn right out of their head and respond, "Seriously?".  So, another tactic had to be chosen.  I bought Jadyn some running shoes (back to that in a moment) because a financial investment usually motivates me.  Since his surgery in November to remove the two tarsal coalitions in his left foot, he has been learning what it's like to actually have lateral movement in his left foot.  (Yes, I know I split an infinitive.  It's a MYTH that it's incorrect!  Check out the Oxford English Dictionary!!!)  Now it's time for Jadyn to get used to running by landing on his midfoot or the balls of his feet.  Last year in football, Jadyn would run on the balls of his right foot but his left foot would land flat on the ground like a brick.  He looked like half a Herman Munster!  So, I bought him some new shoes A SIZE 10!!!!!  pause....breathe...  So, I bought him some new shoes and told him that we would run together.

This evening, we went outside after supper to try out the new shoes.  They were awesome!!!!!  He still needs to practice his sprints but his form already looks better.  

Me?  I used my iPhone to time him.  My right thumb really got a workout, I tell ya!

Over 2 years later...

I keep coming back to this blog.  Maybe my subconscious mind is trying to tell me something.  Perhaps I was rebelling against the pressure of writing a post every week.  Perhaps I didn't want to disappoint anyone.  Well, regardless of the reason, I keep coming back.

It has been over 2 years since I last wrote.  Jadyn decided to play football this year and absolutely loved it!  By the second game, he started at nose guard. He was really quick!  Taekwondo helped him learn his opponent and use their weaknesses against them.  He also played defensive end.  He said he loved playing nose guard because he got to hit someone every play and didn't have to know what was going on, just go after the ball!  LOL! After football, he had foot surgery to correct a tarsal coalition.  Football and surgery kept us out of taekwondo for several months.

Sadly, on December 23, 2012, my mom had a cerebellar stroke.   She was hospitalized, including about a week in ICU.  She decided to go to hospice on January 3 and passed away about 5:15am January 4.  I miss her but love her too much to wish her back.

Finally, after being away from taekwondo for about 6 months, we started back.  Jadyn came back with a vengeance!   Football brought the intensity and the competitor out in him.  He is doing great!  Me?  I'm hanging in there.  Like all of taekwondo, what I lack in flexibility and finesse, I try to make up with attitude.  I love the self-defense training.  I love forms because I cant focus only on myself.  I don't like to spar because I don't like having to think of someone else, but I LOVE combat weapon sparring.  There's just something cathartic about hitting another person upside the head with a big blue stick!  Oh yeah...I love combat weapon sparring.  If Jadyn hadn't had a migraine today, I would try and convince him to practice.  

I am trying to talk myself into running.  Well, jogging.  Well, actually lumbering may be the better word.  Kind of leaning forward and rapidly walking.  Well, you get the picture, and if you do I know you are laughing right now.  Yeah...me too.  Haven't gotten to the point of setting a goal because that would mean DOING something or having someone to whom I have to be accountable.  Don't want that yet.

Exercise isn't the only thing I'm doing to stay healthy.  I'm moving more toward a plant-based diet.  I don't think I'll ever call myself a vegetarian much less a vegan, but I definitely have been doing a lot of substituting.  AND I LIKE IT!!!  I hope it likes me, too.  

Bottom Line:  I continue to feel better about myself than when I first started this blog.  I think age and life experiences has brought more acceptance.  After all, life is too short to live 24/7/365 with someone I loathe...