Week 2D

I'm writing this in retrospect, so it will be short. At my last meeting, I had lost two more pounds, to make the grand total 13. My blood pressure was 121/67 and my pulse rate was 68. I had more labs drawn and will find out about them next week. (I'm skipping a week after my trip. I got in late the night before, did not want to leave Jadyn again, and had plenty of supplements left because I ate like a pig.)

C'est la vie!

Week 3D

AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok...that feels better. I have had a devil of a time getting back onto my blogger dashboard to write a new post. For the first time since I was a size 6, it asked me for my username and password. I HADN'T A CLUE!!! I tried what I thought it was...nope. It was like I had amnesia. I did not know who I was, and I could not get to where I thought I needed to go. It was terrible. Finally, I found a link that basically said, "Look, you moron, if you don't have a clue who you are, do you think you at least remember your address?" So, I typed in my email address, got an email that sent me to another page to change my password, which I did. Funny thing, though...I still don't have the foggiest clue what my username is. It's like one of those alter personalities in Dissociative Identity Disorder. hmmmmmmmm...

ANYWAY...back to my blog. My diet took a detour this week. I was at the 19th Annual Pastors' Conference at the First Baptist Church in Jacksonville, Florida. They fed us two meals a day at the church. The first day, I tried to take my supplements and a mixing cup, but it was just too cumbersome (and that food was just too good). So, I convinced myself that I would just make wise choices. And, I did, for the most part. For the least part, I ate a baked potato a couple of times. Oh, well, shoot me. I don't look at it as a failure. I see it as a cycle of the moon. I waned. Now, I'm a new moon, completely in the dark about my progress (or lack thereof) but fully anticipating shining brightly once again, as big as the horizon. (Eew...visual image...the other connotation for moon made me think of my big ol' tookus showing it's vertical smile from sky to sky...)

I think I'll go and drink my afternoon snack now.

I Don't Get Deoderants

Don't freak out. I didn't say, "I don't purchase deoderant." I just don't understand them anymore, especially women's deoderant. I went to purchase my usual deoderant, and they have changed the names again! What is up with that?! How am I supposed to know what "Mystic Rain" smells like? I don't want some philosophical water bugs gravitating to my arm-pits in search of a their ancestral breeding ground! I just want deoderant! I bought some scented "Ambition" one time and wore it to a Ladies Meeting at my church at which I was the speaker. We had a devil of a time discerning what was the leading of the Holy Spirit and what was my deoderant!

*sniff* Aaahhh...just smell that Gentle Breeze wafting from my underarm. Try to market that, will ya!

Week 1-D

Confused? I don't blame you. This week is a starting over of sorts. It's the first week of my new weight loss plan. I started on Friday, February 4, and as of last night I had lost 11 pounds. Yep, that's right...ELEVEN POUNDS. Before any of you wet blankets out there want to enlighten me with the well-most-of-that-is-water stuff, let me take the wind out of your sails. I KNOW! Trust me, I know! I've been peeing like horse. I look at it this way...at least it ain't water on the inside of my skin anymore!

Want to know what I'm doing? I was going to wait until I was finished (the fear of failure thing and all) but after the news last night, I am willing to tell. I'm going to the UAMS Weight Loss Clinic. I am the type of person that when I decide something, I am whole-hearted about it, and if I am going to undertake an endeavor, I want results FAST or it's not worth my time. Plus, I don't want to work too hard. This is the perfect program for me. The first week, I met with the program director, had labs drawn, and met with a nurse. Then I bought my supplements and started for the week. Five supplements per day, and I'm not hungry. I can eat "free food" like veggies, carrots, pickles, salsa, etc., which gives me the satisfaction of crunching and chewing, but I don't do that every day. Mostly, I drink my little chocolate drinks and go on. I do make a little brownie-puff about once per day, and that's kinda cool. I tried to make the chips out of the potato soup supplement...not happening. So, I make a potato soup-puff and put salsa on it and eat with a fork. Not bad. Anyway, great program and I'm excited! That's why it's week 1-D (D=Diet).

My labs? Well, remember they were taken before I started the program and they were not fasting labs. Last night the nurse told me, "Your labs look fabulous!" Everything was within normal limits, so I was pretty stoked about that. I knew I was as big as a horse (which might be why I'm peeing like one) but it was nice to know that I'm healthy as one, too.

One lesson we learned...take my blood pressure BEFORE weighing in. When I found out my weight loss, I said, "You're going to take my blood pressure now?! It will be red-lining because I am pumped!" They took it later as well, and it was back down to normal.

So, now I feel rejuvenated about my workouts. I did get a cramp in my left abdominal muscle today. Thought I was having another baby! I had homicidal ideations about the doctor who spade me. My husband? No way! He was going to take care of the little bugger! Then I returned to my senses and smiled. At least the senior olympians don't make me homicidal anymore.

Now, for a brownie-puff.

The Joys of Aging

This post isn't exactly about my triumphs and tragedies of working out, but it is relevant nonetheless. It's about getting older. Older and older and older. Remember that "body used up and thoroughly wasted" thing? I'm getting closer and closer and closer.

What in the world am I talking about?

Bifocals, my friend, BI-focals. I am 38 and in my first pair. Got them last week. Bifocals. Went to the eye doctor two weeks ago. (Thank ya, Tom!) If I heard, "Things like this just happen as we get older" one time, I heard it a dozen. I'm not ready for that conversation. I'm not older! I'M NOT I'M NOT I'M NOT!!! (Can't wear my contacts either because my eyes are too dry LIKE MY GRANDMOTHER'S WERE!) So, I went to pick out some lenses. Thought about the rimless kind. No can do...even high density lenses are too think. Looked and looked and looked. Found a pair that weren't too trendy but didn't make me look like I was ready for my mother's Sunday School Class (no offense, ladies). I immediately went for a massage. I definitely earned it.

Glasses arrived last week, so I went back to be fitted. I got the progressive lenses, so there is no line. Doesn't matter...I know it's there! Yep, the bifocal. So, I put my glasses on and the lenses had these little stickers on them for the different focus points. After the complementary (and obligatory) "Oh, those look great" comment, the optician was ready to make sure I could see ok. She took the Bible from the table, opened it, handed it to me and said, "See if you can read this." I looked down and read ALOUD the first thing I saw:

Psalm 71:9a "Cast me not off in the time of old age;"

The staff started cracking up. I said, "You did that on purpose didn't you!" Amidst the chuckles came an assuring, "No! I promise!" HaHaHaHA! Yuk it up! Ok...enough of that. She then held the Bible in front of me, the distance of a computer screen, and said, "Ok, now read this." I read ALOUD the first thing I saw again.

Psalm 71:9b "Forsake me not when my strength faileth."

This is getting too much. Just give me the darn things and let me get out of here with some shred of dignity in tact. (But even I had to laugh at this.)

Ok, so I have the bifocals. What's next? Huh? Wait, tell me in this ear. I have a little trouble hearing out of that one...