I Don't Get Deoderants

Don't freak out. I didn't say, "I don't purchase deoderant." I just don't understand them anymore, especially women's deoderant. I went to purchase my usual deoderant, and they have changed the names again! What is up with that?! How am I supposed to know what "Mystic Rain" smells like? I don't want some philosophical water bugs gravitating to my arm-pits in search of a their ancestral breeding ground! I just want deoderant! I bought some scented "Ambition" one time and wore it to a Ladies Meeting at my church at which I was the speaker. We had a devil of a time discerning what was the leading of the Holy Spirit and what was my deoderant!

*sniff* Aaahhh...just smell that Gentle Breeze wafting from my underarm. Try to market that, will ya!