Holiday Post

T'was the week before Christmas and all through the gym
I have no idea what was going on because I haven't been
My workout clothes and new cross trainers are tucked in my bag
For me to put on my body and my butt to the gym drag

The skinny folks were running in their jogging apparel
Taking advantage of the latest mild winter weather
The chubby folks were watching them with guilt-ridden disbelief
'til in a box of Christmas fudge they found sweet relief

Walking in Wal-Mart I see the new singing Santa
Then immediately look around for a snack and Grape Fanta
I'd like to walk up and smack that old elf
For having a belly much smaller than the one on myself!

This new thinner version of Santa I see
Must be an attempt to be correct politically
That's why I don't bother with matters such as these
And am perfectly content(?) with being jolly and obese

But my mind floats back to the center and my trainer
I think I should offer to Jeremy a disclaimer
"He wrote down my workouts. What else could he do?
My sessions with him I did not renew!"

As I write in this blog, I feel a bit of determination
But lately that's been an absent sensation
Unless it comes to eatng and dining
And that I can do with very little whining

To the center I'll go, just you wait and see
And make everyone there surprised to see me
I'll walk in there with a look on my face
Of absolute focus, and I'll find my place

On treadmill! On bicycle! On elliptical trainer!
On nautilus machines! On free weights! On inlcine retainer!
To the max I will push! Beyond my limit I'll pass!
I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll bust my big...hiney!

I'll work 'til the sweat pours off of my brow
I won't put it off, I'll do it somehow
You'll hear me exclaim as I crawl out of sight
"Merry Christmas to all. This exercise 'shtuff' really bites!"