The Joys of Aging

This post isn't exactly about my triumphs and tragedies of working out, but it is relevant nonetheless. It's about getting older. Older and older and older. Remember that "body used up and thoroughly wasted" thing? I'm getting closer and closer and closer.

What in the world am I talking about?

Bifocals, my friend, BI-focals. I am 38 and in my first pair. Got them last week. Bifocals. Went to the eye doctor two weeks ago. (Thank ya, Tom!) If I heard, "Things like this just happen as we get older" one time, I heard it a dozen. I'm not ready for that conversation. I'm not older! I'M NOT I'M NOT I'M NOT!!! (Can't wear my contacts either because my eyes are too dry LIKE MY GRANDMOTHER'S WERE!) So, I went to pick out some lenses. Thought about the rimless kind. No can do...even high density lenses are too think. Looked and looked and looked. Found a pair that weren't too trendy but didn't make me look like I was ready for my mother's Sunday School Class (no offense, ladies). I immediately went for a massage. I definitely earned it.

Glasses arrived last week, so I went back to be fitted. I got the progressive lenses, so there is no line. Doesn't matter...I know it's there! Yep, the bifocal. So, I put my glasses on and the lenses had these little stickers on them for the different focus points. After the complementary (and obligatory) "Oh, those look great" comment, the optician was ready to make sure I could see ok. She took the Bible from the table, opened it, handed it to me and said, "See if you can read this." I looked down and read ALOUD the first thing I saw:

Psalm 71:9a "Cast me not off in the time of old age;"

The staff started cracking up. I said, "You did that on purpose didn't you!" Amidst the chuckles came an assuring, "No! I promise!" HaHaHaHA! Yuk it up! Ok...enough of that. She then held the Bible in front of me, the distance of a computer screen, and said, "Ok, now read this." I read ALOUD the first thing I saw again.

Psalm 71:9b "Forsake me not when my strength faileth."

This is getting too much. Just give me the darn things and let me get out of here with some shred of dignity in tact. (But even I had to laugh at this.)

Ok, so I have the bifocals. What's next? Huh? Wait, tell me in this ear. I have a little trouble hearing out of that one...