Week 4D

LOSER!!!

That's what I am...a not so big, not so fat loser! After my week of virtually being off my diet, I went back for my weekly weigh-in.

Let me digress...This weekly weigh-in can be a rather humiliating thing if I thought about it the way I usually think about things. It's not the people, although they are pixie-elf dieticians who are the size of my left leg; rather, it's the scale. I feel like a semi pulling off the side of the road with "Wide Load" strapped across my rear bumper. These scales are HUGE! A walrus could be weighed on these things. They have a platform that is at least 2 feet x 2 feet, and they have HANDLEBARS! Yes, handlebars on the scales! I guess that's to keep you from falling over when they tell you what those digital numbers DOWN TO THE TENTH read. I know they are not to be used to run over the pixie-elf dietician...I tried that and the scales didn't budge.

Ok. No more rabbit-chasing. (Is that a lean meat? Never mind...I'm feeling a little to much like Glenn Close in "Fatal Attraction.")

ANYWAY...I am a loser! Since I started the UAMS diet thing, I've lost 18.6 pounds, 40 points off of my cholesterol and about 65 points off of my triglycerides. I was pretty happy with those results. And, if I stop being a slug and start working out again (yes, I've slacked way off that), the results would be even better. I plan on starting this Monday...someone ask me about it so I will be accountable. Bro. Wesley's "Gym?" would suffice.

I've found out several things since I've been on this diet. First, I like asparagus. Never would have known that! Not until I was walking the grocery store aisle in search of "free food" would I have ever stopped at a can of asparagus and thought, "Hey, I'd like to try that." Second, I can get full with a plate full of green stuff that is not spinach pasta. Third, Allen's produces canned Kentucky Wonder green beans, which I think are much better than Blue Lake and they are not fuzzy. You know what I'm talking about? Some green beans are fuzzy. I hated these when I was a kid, and I still hate them as an adult. When I was a kid, Mom would put them on my plate, I'd take one bite, feel that fuzz and refuse to eat "hairy food." Fourth, dill pickles really do count as free food AND as a veggie. BONUS!!! The only pickles I eat are dill or sour. I don't do sweet tasting pickles. In my book, pickles are supposed to be dill or sour; lollipops are sweet.

And, finally, anything is tolerable with enough Tobasco!